............          W E L C O M E
............         
............          Welcome to the text-only page.
.........T..          We appreciate your desire to
.........T..          avoid all the superficiality
.TTTTTTTTT..          and flash of graphics and
.........T..          animations, in favor of the
.........T..          elegant purity of a text-only
............          experience.  This page, which
.HHHHHHHHH..          is exclusively in text, will
.....HH.....          have absolutely no window
.HHHHHHHHH..          dressing elements to get in
............          the way of the information
.EEEEEEEEE..          that you, the viewer, are
.E....E..E..          seeking.
.E.......E..         
............          This text-only page has been
............          approved by the Western
............          Association Supporting Text
..J......J..          Exclusivity (WASTE), Mothers
.J.......J..          Against Gratuitous Graphics
..JJJJJJJJ..          Online Today (MAGGOT), We All
.........J..          Don't Have Anything Better To
............          Do With Our Time Than to Sit
..OOOOOOO...          Around, Make Up Acronyms, and
.O.......O..          Espouse the Virtuies of Text-
.O.......O..          Only Pages Foundation of
..OOOOOOO...          America (WADHABTDWOTTSAMUAEVTOPFA).
............          It is the support of these
.......YYY..          highly esteemed orginzations
.....YYY....          which makes our pursuit of
.YYYY.......          Text-Only purity worthwhile
.....YYY....          and rewarding.  Yes, thanks
.......YYY..          to all of you out there, we
............          can now bring you this Text-
............          Only masterpiece.
............         
............          When we talk about the purity
..OOOOOOO...          and elegance of text, what
.O.......O..          are we really talking about?
.O.......O..          It is the purity of TRUTH.
..OOOOOOO...          Yes, for in text, there is
............          no way to hide from the great
.FFFFFFFFF..          blinding light of the truth.
......F..F..          No graphics behind which the
.........F..          cowardly can cower, no
............          animations which the craven
............          so desperately crave, just
............          the unfiltered, unabridged,
.........T..          and unadulterated TRUTH.  It
.........T..          is this relentless pursuit
.TTTTTTTTT..          of truth that makes our text-
.........T..          only mission so very sacred.
.........T..         
............          A text-only page has a certain
.EEEEEEEEE..          quiet dignity that the gaudy
.E....E..E..          graphic pages simply cannot
.E.......E..          match.  There is also the
............          matter of honesty.  The graphic
.XX.....XX..          pages of the world are a nest
...XX.XX....          of lies and deceit.  They must
.....X......          be expunged!  They must be
...XX.XX....          eliminated!  All graphics must
.XX.....XX..          be swept from the earth by
............          the mighty hand of Text!  Our
.........T..          movement must not be hindered
.........T..          by any man, woman, child, herd
.TTTTTTTTT..          animal, fungal colony, object
.........T..          in the kitchen, particle of
.........T..          matter, or even a single
............          neutrino!
............         
............          Why are we so vociferous about
............          this text-only mission?  Why
............          are we so determined to tear
............          the raw meat of TRUTH from the
............          bleached bone of the universe?
............         
............          That's just the sort of people
............          we are.  The basis of our
............          movement is the total lack of
............          constructive work to do in
............          our lives.  We have no jobs,
............          no purpose, no real talents or
............          ambitions.  In short, we are
............          the blank slates upon which
............          a holy mission can be writ.
............          We are the wretched refuse of
............          society ready to take up the
............          banner of pure text-only
............          enlightenment.  We are going
............          to bring justice to the world
............          through the relentless pursuit
............          of text-only purity.
............         
............          All things will be improved
............          when our vision of a text-only
............          world is realized!  The text
............          grass will be greener!  The
............          ice-cream will taste better,
............          yet be less fattening!  The
............          mosquitoes will only bite
............          snooty waiters and members
............          of biker gangs!  The stock
............          market will surge, the price
............          of gas will plummet, and our
............          politicians will be honest,
............          hard-working, and forthright!
............          The dinosaurs will come back
............          to life and give people lots
............          of fun rides, and they'll
............          clean your apartment for free!
............          Aliens will emerge from a
............          hole in the ground at the
............          North Pole and give presents
............          to all the good little girls
............          and boys!  Criminals will
............          spontaneously burst into
............          flame, and all good citizens
............          will be given marshmellows
............          to roast over their crackling
............          corpses!
............         
............          With a text-only Internet, all
............          these things and more will come
............          to pass.  We thank you for
............          coming to the text-only version
............          of this page, and we want to
............          assure you that in doing so,
............          you have helped us take a
............          small step towards building
............          a better tomorrow.
............         
............          Copyright whenever, by Whomever
............          I stole this from, all rights are
............          probably reserved.
............         
............