[IMG: TCrBF banner, by SJ]


General crap is here   

Tallinn Crap Beer Festival 2018 updates




8 May 2018, after rehab

[IMG: Heineberg cap]

Hats off
to all who helped with this pile of crap!

Whether you were 'enjoying' blue swill with us, rounding up endangered species from bottom shelves all over the world, or just helping to drain the post-festival sCraps, you helped to make this year's TCrBF the worst ever!

As the long drought begins, please join me in singing the anthem of the 7th Annual Tallinn Crap Beer Festival:

All things shite and alcoful;
All creatures sans crown cap;
Each can, PET hate, and ringpull there -
Someone brewed this crap.

All we had to do was drink it.


4 May 2018

berry scary, barely beery

As the clock ticks down to TCrBF, a few special t(h)reats [IMG: Grape Grope]
are appearing on the horizon.
[IMG: berrial]

For example, the Grape Ape is about to stomp into our playground. Yes, heading here from up north is a crazy 400-pound gorilla from down south - muy loco!

There may be other grapes, limes, etc. too, aiding in your berry burial.

* Disclaimers apply. User may go blind. Use only as prescribed. Crapness may vary.


30 April 2018

Our bestiary of the worstiary is almost complete, but...

...It wouldn't be ready without a response to the swarm of locusts that will soon descend on TCBW.
Fortunately, I've found just the thing, thanks to a little petrol station on the prairie:
TCrBF will have our very own gnatty rush!


26 April 2018

The latest report from our boozekeepers:

When this drink shuffled in from the street, we quickly ushered it into the cold of our refrigerated enclosure...
in hopes of preserving its finer flavours, characterised by one fan as 'petrol'.

Brought to us by the letter [IMG: the letter K], this is a sad drink, a very very very very sad drink,
from the stable known as white cider.


16 April 2018

Extra, extra, read all about it!

If I can avoid drinking it before TCrBF, this extra-special treat will be available, which I lovingly/loathingly brought all the way from a petrol station in Oklahoma.

What you need to know about it:

[IMG: Extra Pale]

[IMG: One Extra Ounce]
But here's what made this beer especially worth capturing -
an extra-enthusiastic recommendation from a local connoisseur of crap beer:
'This one tastes like skunk.'


[IMG: can of beer from the pachy shop] 24 March 2018

'Good' news, Crap Beer fans:

We have an extra-strong addition
kept extra-safe for your 'enjoyment'.

This display should be a perfect example of
the fine line between craft and crap.

When judged by quantities of excrement produced per day,
...the winner is clear.


5 March 2018

Our menagerie has now been joined by fluffy little animals inhumanely captured for us in China.
Will they be torn to shreds by the heavier beasts? We'll have to wait and see what kind of teeth they have.

Either way, lack of quality is guaranteed.

Key words: WalMart China client brewery

Great Value Great Value Great Value


30 January 2018

The trampede stampede has begun, with big game from far and near.
This includes a bear from Romania and a relatively local muscular bovine that appears eager to trample us. We may even have a species from Bulgaria.

It's entirely possible that some of these wild animals will escape from their cages before TCrBF.
We can already hear them rattling the bars.


20 November 2017, 10am

It's open season on Crap Beer: HUNTING SEASON has begun...

[IMG: Thirst Prize]

[IMG: Worst Prize] Keep your eyes peeled, and join us on the bottom shelves!
Oh, what wonders horrors are waiting in the underbrush!!!1

Can you bag a prize can/bottle for TCrBF 2018?

It could win BEaST IN SHOW for the 7th annual Tallinn Crap Beer Festival!


14 November 2017

We are pleased to report a rumoured date and time for the potentially g(l)orious Tallinn Crap Beer Festival 2018:

5.5.2018, the first Saturday of the beery, beery month of May.

TCrBF 2018 ostensibly will begin sometime before 1600.

The rumour also refers to Kultuurikatel, a venue we liked so much last year that we're not surprised that we'll allegedly return there.

We've already had enquiries from at least one bottle-hoarding crap fan overseas. You too can start catching the boost now, in preparation for joining the fun at our PETting zoo!

And, just as eclipse-chasers have their eclipse glasses ready in advance, make sure your beer goggles are all set to go!


26 September 2017

We are now accepting ideas (themes, beers, etc.) and donations (of themes, beers, etc.) for the 2018 festival.

After what happened last time, we suggest not pouring crap beer directly into your browser window.

The best approach is to e-mail the organising team at the address tcrbf at the domain (the grex... bit) in your browser's URL bar.

[IMG: PET bottle with e-mail address on]


Older updates

Archived updates from the 2017 festival can be found here...



Any opinions expressed on this page are opinions. And any resemblance to real facts or events is purely coincidental.