[IMG: TCrBF banner, by SJ]


General crap is here   

Tallinn Crap Beer Festival 2019 updates



6 May 2019

The TCrBF Board of Damagers are pleased to report:
This year, the festival brought more smiles and frowns than ever!

Also, since some things are best when chilled
(so that you can't taste them),
we were especially pleased to get 30 seconds of ice from the sky.
instead of the promised rain.
All hail Crap Beer!

And, as always,

  • the various contributions - glorious worldwide Crap,
  • all our sick and twisted visitors,
  • and the usual huge after-party
were much appreciated.
TCrBF just wouldn't be the shame without you.

See you next beer! Allegedly.

- The Shtaff



3 May 2019

---> I t ' s    a l m o s t    h e r e ! <---

It might be wet outside, so let's make it wet inside too!

[let's start the countdown from 10]



29 April 2019

Cr'day, mate! We have a special t(h)reat for you.
Some choice Crap has floated in...
from about as low as you can go: Down Under.

[IMG: Passed-out Crown-Lager-clutching kangaroo with gag-green 'TCrBF: You'll roo the day' text]



22 April 2019

We found this puppy* in the KKKelder, gazing at us longingly from its big bottle. So we took it home with us. We might let you PET it, if you clean up its mess afterward.

    * Some puppies will tear your face off. Further studies are required.

[big bottoms]
What the Internets are saying about it, two sample reviews:

A tick's a tick!

From the first arousing glance, from the first sensual taste, from the first exquisite drop, [this beer] is everything I ever dreamed of and more. I was a novice, an amateur, a child. I was in desperate need of fulfillment and satisfaction. I felt alone and vulnerable.
Until one day [...] i stumbled onto this magnificent beverage.
From the moment i felt the unmatched liquid caress my tongue [I] suddenly felt warmth. Not the kind of warmth you feel from a cosy jumper or a hot fire, but the kind of warmth that touches your soul and all of sudden i just knew everything would be ok.
Experiencing [this beer] was a flawless experience that changed my life. I have no idea how to thank the makers of this fine beer but i hope this review is the start.
Thank you.



10 April 2019

Today I am pleased to announce a contribution by
someone who either really loves us or really hates us:
the Hostess with the Mocnes.

Oh yes, there's a mocne in there, praised online thus:

Yes indeed

Pours nicely, piss yellow. Foams nicely. Smells like one week old underwear.
Acceptable after a bottle of vodka in good company. Good price per alkohol %.

But it gets even better, or at least bigger:
Our panel of beer experts has awarded one of these drinkies a rating of 10 out of 10 for strength.

[That's not a can; THAT's a can]

Choice words from The Internet about it:

[bleeping bleep] can of [bleep]!

Crazy litre can. [...] Warming corn alcohol palate. Garbage, awful.

Aroma of cooked vegetables. Taste is sweet veggies, light sewage.


[IMG:F O U R spelt out from four can labels]

15 March 2019

The latest entry in the TCrBF countdown...
is brought to you by the number

That's right, we'll be offering you a set of four lovelies -
all canned goodbadness from the vast crap fields of the United States.

You can look forward to four pours of pure artificial flavours galore, from about as far as you can get from orthodox brewing.

Stay tuned for more of what's in store.
Prepare to abandon hope, ye who want this (not-quite-)beer!



7 March 2019


We don't know what to think of this one. But someone online does:

Pretty disgusting thing...

We can't wait!

[Cubanisto cleaning product]


17 February 2019


We do, at least a couple of alkohols. Two big containers are now waiting to be emptied into non-discerning mouths in just a couple months. We can't even spell it, let alone enjoy it!

[IMG: Shopping Time, TCrBF Style - receipt for plenty of ALKOHOLS]



5 February 2019

Our CRAP warehouse is ready!
And there is already one top-ncrotch import waiting there.

We are proud to announce that this one's A REAL TURKEY.

[IMG: Fridge with Turkey in it, demarcated by CRAP WAREHOUSE tape]


1 November 2018

It's now official:
The unofficial festival date is 4 May
the time should be fairly predictable,
and we'll stick with the same venue, Kultuurikatel

It takes many months to plan something so crap,
and we need YOUR HELP if we wish to remain
the Baltic region's best worst beer festival evar!
So start stockpiling those horrid drinks now, and drop us a note about them!

[IMG: We Want Booze poster


Older updates

Archived updates from the 2018 festival can be found here...



Any opinions expressed on this page are opinions. And any resemblance to real facts or events is purely coincidental.